Life is Supposed to Feel Good

For as long as I could remember, I’ve felt bad about life. It started in childhood with physical abuse by a parent. Later, I had the bad luck to crossed paths with two sexual predators resulting in molestation and rape. I learned, pretty early on, to console myself with food so by my teen years I was overweight. When I became old enough to work, I got a job which introduced me to another way to self medicate myself; spending money. By the time I was twenty-five, I had declared bankruptcy twice.

On the surface it would seem that feeling bad about life in general and myself in particular was justified. After all, if I hadn’t suffered abuse as a child or had been taken advantage of by sexual predators or hadn’t been ridiculed or didn’t get into fights with people or had been more responsible with money then my life wouldn’t be in such a state of disrepair. It might even be downright perfect and I would have nothing to feel bad about. Right?

Hello World – Six Months Later

A lot has happened since I last posted. The biggest change has been in my location. I am now living in Florida, though I’m not sure I’m going to stay here. I moved here to help out a family member but now that family member has decided she doesn’t want to live in Florida anymore which has put me into kind of a bind.

I’ll be perfectly honest and say I didn’t want to come here. Mainly because I had a premonition that something like this was going to happen. But instead of heeding the warning, I wrote the feeling off as a fear of change, something that I struggle with more and more as I get older.

But I’d be lying if I said that moving here was a total fail. In fact, I think in about a year I will probably say that being in Florida was the best thing that ever happened to me. Because of the challenges I’ve run into down here, namely not getting a job despite taking my own advice, I’ve been forced out of my comfort zone.

The End of the Year Emo Post

In a few days another year will come to a close and new one will begin, bringing with it a new set of opportunities and challenges. As I look back over the past 33 years of my life, I see a lot of disappointment and failure. Yeah, I’ve had some success here and there but for the most part if someone were to give me a letter grade for my progress in life so far, I would get an E for Epic Failure.

*sigh*

Lucid Dreaming Challenge No. 1

Last week I began my path towards becoming a Lucid Dreamer. As a first step on that path, I needed to begin recording my dreams. Well as there is no such thing as a life path paved in gold, I stepped right into the first pothole the very next night.

When I Grow Up…

…I want to be a Polymath.

A Polymath is someone who is knowledgeable in a variety of subjects. It is also known as being a Universal Genius or a Generalist. Think Benjamin Franklin, Leonardo da Vinci or McGuyver. I’ve always dreamed about being trapped in a broom closet and knowing that mixing the glass cleaner with the bleach will make an acidic compound that will burn the lock open on the door so I can make my escape. Yeah.

I first came across the concept of Polymath when doing a search on the term Renaissance Man. I had heard the term when watching the episode of Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School where Mo’nique calls Brooke a whore, to which Brooke takes exception to being called a whore and then goes outside and flashes her boobs on national television. Classic.